I would say that every birth story is unexpected. There’s no rhyme or reason to labor, birth, and even postpartum. My birth story was definitely unexpected to say the least, especially for me as a doula having seen so many births and knowing what the “norm” is for first time moms. My birth wasn’t the “norm” according to the books and where I birthed wasn’t the norm either according to the average American birthing woman. I will say, my birth was difficult as most births are, but mine was enriching and glorious. The immediate outcome was unbelievably joyous and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
I hope you’re as excited to read this humorous, serious, and beautiful birth story as I am to share it! Don’t worry. Nothing explicit here. Just all birth things that I hope doesn’t scare you, but in turn, challenges your perspective to view birth as an exciting event…something to look forward to. I hope it changes whatever perspective you had before to now having a healthy fear and respect for labor and each of the birthing stages. Through my story, I want you to know with a deep understanding in your heart that there is hope; hope for you and your birth story as you discover truth woven in these words.
It all started with a few early-labor contractions on a Sunday night during a church meeting on October 29th, 2023. By a few, I mean like ten minutes worth of early-labor contractions that were so minor I barely noticed them, but paid enough attention to them to know they weren’t just Braxton Hicks. Side note, my due date was estimated November 7th and at this time, I was continuously losing my mucus plug. For those of you who don’t know what that is, well…let’s just say a mucus plug is what it really sounds like it is and it comes out of your cervix. All normal birth things. Even though I had some early contractions, they didn’t progress anywhere and in turn, I got towards the end of another week of being pregnant.
That Thursday, this very same week, I had some really low hormonal drops. Low as in like doubting everything, feeling hopeless, and wondering when my baby girl was going to get here (still all normal things in early labor). I had some clear looking fluid come out here and there leading up to that as well. I settled on the fact that it could be a little leak at the top of the amniotic sack or it was just me peeing myself. Who knows what it really was at the time. Either way, it didn’t change the fact that this was part of the process. I was surprisingly at peace with it and along for the ride. Nothing concerned me, so I went with that. I laid low and relaxed at home all day, took a little walk, and made another homemade postpartum meal. By the way, this was all done with no early-labor contractions happening. I just chose to be…to rest…to remain…staying the course with Peace…even with a continual leak.
The next day was Friday November 3rd, 2025. Bloated like a puffer fish, I went to my prenatal appointment with my midwife that morning. I felt normal. I mean, as normal as a giant pregnant woman will ever get. Oh the days of feeling sexy and powerful like I did in my second trimester! Anyway, when I got there I took a test to see whether the fluid was amniotic or not and to my surprise, it came out negative. Welp, there it is folks, I must've been peeing myself all week. On the bright side, my vitals were great and baby’s heartbeat was healthy. She was even in a great head down OA (Occupant Anterier) position. As I was leaving, I joked with another mom who had a similar due date as I did and said, “We’ll see who goes in first!”. This was in reference to going into labor (aka the portal of the labor labyrinth), not like going into the hospital as we were both preparing ourselves to basically freebirth at home. Crunchy mom life.
As I was driving back home around noon, I started having more of those minor squeezes in what felt to be my lower abdomin, similar to earlier in the week on Sunday. Nothing concerning and nothing out of control. I just went along with the thought in my head that said, “This could last on and off for days! So chill and live a little!”. I did just that. I got home right before my husband, Stephen was heading to a coffee shop to get a little bit of work done and I begged that we go and make an outing out of it. I even pulled the “Well, this could be our last time just you and I!” card. Of course, he didn’t refuse me so we headed to Jubala Coffee off of Honeycutt in Raleigh (not to mention we stopped and stuffed our faces with cheeseburgers along the way).
Still having early-labor contractions that were more consistent now and still in denial about these waves leading somewhere. I became uneasy sitting down in the coffee shop chair…I just wanted to enjoy my decaf latte gosh dang it. Another side note, about a few weeks prior, I set up a group text with some of my dear friends and family, women who at the time, I would call my lionesses of prayer and my tribe. A group of women that when the time came to birth my daughter, I would text and update them to pray. So that in that moment as I was trying to enjoy my decaf latte, while in early-labor and unable to get comfortable in that stiff white chair, I texted this group thread for prayer and any words of encouragement they might have just in case things started… Stephen sat unconcerned and unaware that I was trying to breathe through these waves and I couldn’t walk or relax them away. So naturally, I get his attention with a certain face I usually give him when he’s not paying attention to me, and tell him, “Uhh, we should probably head home. I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable”.
I don’t remember the 20 minute car ride back home. I was focused on breathing and just straight surviving. Being in the car is awful while you’re laboring. I was so glad that I was heading home to my birthing place. Both Stephen and I were still under the impression that these could fade out, last for hours and even last for a few days. I chose to hop in the shower and told Stephen that ‘I was good’ and that he could go finish work if he needed to. The shower was so nice, but I did notice that the waves got stronger. I was still in denial that true labor had begun. Struggling to get myself dressed, I texted my husband to bring me the heating pad and ice back so I could try and lay down and sleep away these intense cramps, but that was wishful thinking! I couldn’t fully lay down at this point due to the discomfort and he was on a work call outside…I remember yelling at him when he came inside saying, "Finally! Where were you?! Go get things ready! Text the doula!”. The look on his face was perplexed and very surprised that labor was happening. This all happened about 4 in the afternoon…four hours after the sign of the first “early-labor contraction”.
A bit of panic set in for the both of us at this point while I was getting into a hands and knees position, moaning and breathing heavily with low, down and out sounds. The waves felt so fast. They felt fast like a freight train that had just taken off and I had to catch it! It felt like everything in me was running after this train on foot but I was too slow to catch up to my body that was having these contractions. Nothing could stop this train from going...at times, I felt like I was being dragged on the ground by this train.
Anxiety felt high in my body because of how intense my lower back and lower abdomen felt…like very intense period cramps every 2 mins lasting about 1 minute long. I knew this baby was in a funky position based off of this rhythm and that was confirmed by my doula (later confirmed she was asynclitic). My focus was in “doula” mode, not me as a mom laboring mode. I tried some spinning babies asymmetrical positions like lunges on the stairs and doing hip circles on the yoga ball. It felt like minutes were flying by while I was doing these things and then I found myself looking at my phone facetiming my doula and hearing her say, “Oh hunny you are definitely in active labor!”. My husband's frantic energy made it hard to focus on relaxing. He was calling the midwifery team, timing contractions, applying my tens unit, and trying to create a calming aesthetic around the birthing pool. The stress was there of needing him to be with me, but simultaneously, needing him to get the other things prepared and set up for the birth. I had created a whole birthing playlist and after trying to listen to it during contractions, I only wanted soft instrumental music with waves in the background (this was played the entire time!). At least we had the oils I wanted diffusing and the lights set up for the birthing pool! Things definitely calmed down when my doula arrived. I cannot recommend a doula enough, even at homebirths! The stress was relieved in both my husband and I after she got there and started to help offer some relaxation techniques. She wanted me in the pool which I thought meant that it was “time to birth your baby!”, but apparently I needed to really relax. No kidding! My contractions were coming every 1-2 minutes and they were strong and lasted at least a whole minute at this point still. The train was flying! These waves were intense and I needed to rest my mind, and slow down with the Spirit of God to get me through this intensity. I got into the pool about 8pm.
Oh the relief! I felt safe, calm, and relaxed…well, felt this only after Stephen and my doula adjusted the temperature pouring in more cold water due to the pool being scolding hot! Being in or near water along with being in the forest has always made me feel safe. These forces of nature given by my Creator God have always been a blessing to me. Especially, during the times in my childhood when I would hear threats, yelling, scary arguments, and even abuse in the house. I would run into the forest or sit by our pond and remember that I wasn’t alone; that I was safe. There would be times during the summer where I would flee to Wrightsville beach just to be near the ocean. Finding refuge and safety even with the uncertainty and danger of the ocean…though the dark waters scared me, nothing was as scary as my upbringing and the home I grew up in. Throughout my life I would press into the fear of the ocean by immersing myself in it, enjoying the waters and waves…I was baptized at 18 in the Caribbean waters, I’ve swam far out in the Huntington, CA waves, and even floating in freezing cold waters of the pacific while being pregnant. I learned to relax and drift into the unknown and trust that I was just as safe in the water as I would be on the shore. I’ve immersed myself in all kinds of water around the world not knowing the dangers that were present, but somehow finding peace in it. I had to trust the Creator that my life was protected. It always has been. Even in the midst of trauma, I was protected. In this moment of laboring and the waves coming and going, I knew I was protected. My baby was protected. In this moment of time, I believed these truths, ‘My God is alive, he is present, and he is good. I am safe because he is here’. Trusting these truths helped me doze off to sleep in and out of contractions. It ridded any fear I had during labor and it helped me dilate.
Finally, the lovely midwifery team and their babies came and made themselves at home just like I wanted. At that point, I was so ready to have my baby out. I wanted to meet her so badly, especially after hearing the babies crying faintly in the background. I wanted her out and I wanted labor to end, so I took control. I didn’t take control in a good way, but in the way when you want something so bad but you know it’s unattainable, it’s out of reach. You know it’s coming, yet you try on your own to make it happen. My body needed to bear down, but I took control by trying to push her out too early. She wasn’t low enough. I know that now looking back. I didn't wait on the fetal ejection reflex or getting a cervical check, I just tried to force her out before it was time. A time of not trusting the process or my Creator. I pushed so hard that my water broke like a little atomic bomb in the water. It was fascinating, but I was starting to struggle and I struggled hard for hours…the grace and mercy that women talk about having in labor was still there even though pushing lasted for hours. Even in the midst of my control and distrust, I was able to zone out and sleep in-between each wave. I was deep in labor land, but was conscious when I took the effort to push with the contraction. I don’t remember how long it was. Luckily, I don’t remember the pain of it all. I dissociated from the pain somehow in this state, which I have heard happening to women in labor. I truly believe this was God’s relentless grace in the midst of so much hardship on my body.
About 12am, I got out of the water and took a bathroom trip while on the way to my bed thinking that maybe I would labor and push on my bed for a bit then get back in the pool. That never happened. When do we ever get what we actually wanted and planned for in birth? Realistically, unless we really make this happen and are really motivated to be in control of our path, usually we go along with what comes. I was too tired to make my birth plan happen. In that very moment, I let go of the goal to birth Ivory in the pool and I felt peace. I pushed in bed for two more hours even though, to me, it felt like only a half hour of pushing. My body sure remembers this even until this day I feel the effects! I never squeezed someone's hand and a wooden comb so hard for so long. Mind you, I was on my side with a giant peanut ball in between my legs (a spinning babies technique to open your pelvic floor) and it probably looked silly but I don’t think she would've come any other way. My husband made a joke that I will never forget. He said at one point, “It’s like Santa coming down the chimney, it's impossible but somehow he does it!”. Unhelpful at the time, but humorous now looking back on it!
After what felt like minutes to me, I started to feel the presence of the whole birth team in the room. My doula was holding my hand instead of my husband because he was standing more behind me with my midwife ready to catch the sweet little bean. I was extremely exhausted and honestly, I was fighting the urge not to give up (though I wouldn’t even know what giving up would’ve looked like in this scenario). The only cervical check I requested was in this moment right before I pushed her out to make sure her head was there ready to crown. It was really time to actually push her out full force. The tiredness and nervousness was there, but I went into a sort of cave in my mind, looking for the light somewhere within the cave. This light for me, was the Mightiness of God. I said to myself and within my thoughts, “My God is mighty and He is mighty in me”. What a holy moment. A moment that I still remember to this day so vividly. My God is not a dead God! I felt the oneness with him through the suffering and death he had gone through to save the world from ALL suffering, pain, sickness, torment, addictions and ourselves. He was so present with me and before I knew it, I felt the relief of my baby’s head stretching and easing out. Oh the joy even in that moment of crowning, I had relief! The intense pressure of pain that brought this great reward and this priceless treasure was undeniably worth it all!
At 1:51am, Stephen passed her perfect 8 pound body up to me. There she was. Mighty and pure, our little Ivory Madison. So alert and observant. She stared at me with her wide eyes as her color quickly came in. No one was rubbing her down, patting her, making her breathe or awaitning a cry, or crowding around me…it was just how I wanted it. Undisturbed and peaceful. It was breathtaking to be still with her in my own bed. It was a still silent night. She was healthy, breathing, and looking up at Stephen and I. Cone head and all! The peace and joy that rushed through me had me thinking I could have another one ;)
“You have a little minor tear that she broke with her nose at the very last minute you pushed her out”, said my midwife softly and confidently without really doing an official check. Laughter and congratulations broke out in the room as the rest of the team were gathering my placenta, preparing postpartum tea, taking pictures and already starting to do laundry. While being spoon fed some soup by my midwife, I felt home. I felt safe. I knew I was loved and supported. Even though I felt the sting and pain of my pelvic floor, this was a dream.
I would like to say the rest is history but there is so much more to this unexpected birth story that still unravels and unfolds into the fourth trimester. That story will come in time. As for now, there are a couple things left to share. Even before I officially met him, the God I follow, Jesus Christ has always spoken to me in dreams. I only had two dreams about my daughter before she was born that turned out to come true. One dream was that I had birthed her quickly and in my bed (which was not the plan as previously stated). My daughter came out smiling from the womb. If anyone knows her, you know that she carries joy and cheeses so hard! The other dream was when Ivory was about 3 years old, and I noticed her eyes were bright blue. In the dream, I spoke to her and stated that her eyes were so blue! Well, we’re getting into toddlerhood and she has bright blue eyes! (side note: Stephen and I do not have blue eyes). Another thing, I had believed, declared and prayed in faith over this birth and even into postpartum. I was very specific in my prayers. Even though not all of my detailed prayers were answered, more than 80% of them were answered. I was in awe. One little prayer I had in the back of my mind was this, “Jesus, can you just make this labor and birth under 12 hours?”. Well, from the time of true labor waves started to birthing her was 11 and half hours. God showed me his sense of humor here, but also a sense of honoring my request. He’s good like that.
This story will truly always blow my mind with how smooth things went despite the unexpected challenges and things I have learned for the next go around. As a birth doula going into labor and birth, I had no fear of the unknown of labor and birth. The main reason why I didn’t fear birth was because I knew I was loved. I knew that I was safe. My story was unexpected, but I knew I could expect the love of God for me and my family during the labyrinth of labor and birth. That Love was protecting me and protecting my baby this whole time. Love was healing my wounded heart and wounded places that came up during labor. Mighty Love was helping me breathe and helping me push Ivory out. From then until this day forward, I will always stand and believe that God is love and he is for me. He is for my family and for the next generations to come.
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